Tuesday, November 29, 2011

ideas inspired by pulled groin


'well, the good news is, i broke the record by thirteen and a half minutes. the bad news is you're going to need to ice down my groin for the remainder of the evening.'

'ladies, fortune smiles upon all of you. our long national nightmare is over: i'm finally getting over this pulled groin."


'goddfried, what do you think is the record for most groinpulls on the planet at the same second?'

'come, there is a place i should probably show you.'

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

are we not men? sir lance begged of his brethren.
a deep silence followed.

are we not hungry?
the crowd erupted.

well, that's progress i suppose.
the crowd dispersed.

reptilian hotplate

the archduke of our archipelago presently asked for a map of his own toilet, but seeing as its opulent construction had daunted even the very engineers who built it -- they had soiled themselves in the process -- the archduke was likely to be yet more confused upon the map’s receipt.

he had only wanted to secure knowledge of the whereabouts of his royal mother; she was either in the aquarium or perhaps upon the hotplate usually reserved for the magnificent reptiles (hailing originally from larger philadelphia), who had just traveled south for a lengthy capetown sojourn. both the aquarium and hotplate were housed within the lavatory, but for the life of him he could not remember where. if his mother had not been so deftly camouflaged -- in her hot reactionary youth, she had been trained at the school of americas -- surely the archduke would have seen her cooing with a noted tuscan bureaucrat behind the triassic ferns.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

discarded couplet #377

the rhine is the river that never forgets/my pappy loved the yankees now my nephew likes the mets