Tuesday, November 29, 2011

ideas inspired by pulled groin


'well, the good news is, i broke the record by thirteen and a half minutes. the bad news is you're going to need to ice down my groin for the remainder of the evening.'

'ladies, fortune smiles upon all of you. our long national nightmare is over: i'm finally getting over this pulled groin."


'goddfried, what do you think is the record for most groinpulls on the planet at the same second?'

'come, there is a place i should probably show you.'

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

are we not men? sir lance begged of his brethren.
a deep silence followed.

are we not hungry?
the crowd erupted.

well, that's progress i suppose.
the crowd dispersed.

reptilian hotplate

the archduke of our archipelago presently asked for a map of his own toilet, but seeing as its opulent construction had daunted even the very engineers who built it -- they had soiled themselves in the process -- the archduke was likely to be yet more confused upon the map’s receipt.

he had only wanted to secure knowledge of the whereabouts of his royal mother; she was either in the aquarium or perhaps upon the hotplate usually reserved for the magnificent reptiles (hailing originally from larger philadelphia), who had just traveled south for a lengthy capetown sojourn. both the aquarium and hotplate were housed within the lavatory, but for the life of him he could not remember where. if his mother had not been so deftly camouflaged -- in her hot reactionary youth, she had been trained at the school of americas -- surely the archduke would have seen her cooing with a noted tuscan bureaucrat behind the triassic ferns.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

discarded couplet #377

the rhine is the river that never forgets/my pappy loved the yankees now my nephew likes the mets

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

the old bitch is hungry again

tender like chinese pea shoots
her bosom as indifferent to its newest suitors
as they are to her

the progeny ignore her hungered whimpers
as they stave off their own
draining their mother

if they only knew how they furnished their own odd exile
perhaps the full irony would strike them
and conscience curse their mindless feast

but, there is no time to wait for that
the old bitch is hungry again

Friday, October 14, 2011

amazing grace

you pointed me out
and prompted me through
to you

someone was humming
amazing grace
and then another tune
i couldn't place

but all i need to know is what we're doing here
sailors selling scrapbooks
by the fire

all i need to know is what we're doing here
and some way that you look
i know it's dire

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

small price to pay for a bowl of fried zucchini

small price to pay for a bowl of fried zucchini
-- was an odd thing for him to say, given none was around
perhaps it's an old saying, the optimist intoned
not by a longshot, called the referee

is there any way we can take everything in here, mince it together and mold it into a fancy log? asked the shitfaced frenchman